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American Idol

Before we decided not to do it, we thought auditions would be in September this year again. We also thought they would be in AZ, as they have been for at least the last two years. Suddenly the most probable audition was going to be in Denver in a couple of weeks.  We said "maybe next year".

Before we decided to do it again, we learned that Bill and Alli (my brother in-law and his wife) were going to be in Colorado and wanted us to be involved in their vacation somehow.  We thought about meeting somewhere in the middle and doing something fun.

Then we found out that my family and their friends are going to stay in a cabin the same weekend, also in Colorado.  We checked the AI webpage.  Lo!  American Idol auditions are in Denver the same weekend.  It suddenly became a divine plan, not a carnal idea.

My mind's been processing what I thought I would have months to process in the past week or so.  "Why do you think you are the next American Idol?" is one question that suddenly hit me.  I couldn't sleep.  Again with the divine plan, instead of my own carnal ideas:

Inspiration.  I'm going to be a role model.  Our culture's media constantly communicates so many empty or reckless messages.  Where's the passion?  Where's the integrity, forgiveness or love?  I don't know why 90% of people have to hear about "Waking up in Vegas" or lyrics of ending relationships, shame and depravity.

America is great because people are so moldable.  We become a product of the things that influence us.

I know I've been filled with the conviction to influence the right message.

Now I'm begging for this; before I was just going to have fun with it.

Registration is on Sunday-Monday.  I'm praying I'll make it through the 3 or 4 audition rounds on Tuesday so I can make it to the TV judges.

 

The End of the World!!! AAHAGAHGHAHGHGGGGG!

That's what it sounds like when someone falls into a volcano filled with lavagators.

It's also what it sounds like in the mind of someone (me) who eats a few handfulls of salty tortilla chips after being "good" all week.

Now my life is (pretend/mad-at-self style) over.  Self anger creates motivation sometimes.

So what? Just chips...  but on the other hand:

(real post now)

I recently attended the wedding of two friends from High School.  They've been popular, skip-tapity and attracive lovers since the middle of those awkward years, somewhere (8 or 10 years ago maybe?).  Genuine smiles for their day of fulfilment.

I was always geared different, even though these two and the other 40 or so "cool Christians" that were also around and I were basic buds; my style was always awkward, but I still tried to be as brilliant as them.  I had a face of acne and I was never agressive enough to be on a sports team; but when it came time to enlist a student to do worship for the Christian club (CSO), I was #1. Genuine smiles for CSO days.

We all graduated.  We all got married and a few of us have even had some kids and got our degrees.  

I married who I was supposed to marry.  Jess is thankfully a whole lot like me in this area. 

Ideal American Culture was made for the CSO homies.  I still have a different style though.  I'm still (wrongfully) trying to be "as brilliant as them" on thier terms.  It's depressing and frustrating.  To have kids, get our degrees and find the career that will buy us our picket fences is the wrong idea for Jess and I.  It's the idea that going to this wedding suffered upon me, as the bride and groom's friends appeard in front of me, seemingly so accomplished and brilliant to a culture that I stumble through 24-7.

I feel hypnotized.  The only reason I don't give in and do the dream, is the result of YHWH's amazing and convicting voice of mercy...  a voice with the reason: to love the world in my unique way.

These are the 5-10 years to do this thing.

(unfinished post...  be we get the idea where this could go from here)

Bug Season

I'm tired, so this should be easy to read.  500 short sentences:

I've seen a lot of spiders around the house.  That's what I get for not spraying.  I sprayed really good last year and we saw maybe 2 bugs the whole year inside.  We've been seeing like 2 a day recently though.  Sure, I can spray NOW, but there are already probably a dozen in our house and maybe 2 dozen in the shed.  Grrr to them.

I got in bed at 11:30.  I could't fall asleep until 2:30.  I just laid there... uncomfortable, restless, nauseous, sensitive and a little worried.  It was a strange night.  After giving up around 1:30, I got out of bed and sat in the dark living room.  I soon remembered the shower that I was taking a few hours earlier.  It hurt to wash my arm for some reason, but I didn't remember getting any cuts earlier.  I got up and looked in the guest bathroom mirror, trying to adjust my sight to the lights quick enough to see if I could detect two small pricks in that area of my arm.  I would then conclude that I had been bit by a spider.  I couldn't see anything.  The thought of spiders got my gears spinning though.

All the pieces connected.  I wasn't suffering from the venom of a black widow, rather, I was feeling the results of bugs living inside my internal house. 

If you don't spray your senses, "bugs" will crawl right on into your spiritual dwelling, just like how it is with the physical home.  They both wind up feeling about the same.

I heard the truth, but I still have these critters creeping around in me.  I laid in bed for another hour,  tossing and turning before timeless emptiness lead me to the sound of my alarm clock.  It took 4 hours of suffering to realize that I was being told to "spray" every entrance to my inner self.  That's all good now, assuming I'll be fully obedient, but I still need to roam the rooms of my heart with the equivalent of a can of Round-Up and some toilet paper. 

Soul-insect hunting.

If I can avoid another 3 1/2 hour nights of sleep before a day of work, it'll be far worth it.  I'll make it, but today is no fun.

Secure the perimeter.  Hunt the fanged and venomous creepitudes.  I have my week/year/life cut out for me. 

That should have ended on a high note... ooops.  Um, "I can do all things THROUGH Christ!"

K

Dyflakted

Nobody read this yet... still writing...

It's one of those days:  the ones where you never really wake up.  There's no fast forward button and I can't get enough fun to speed things up.  Everything is at least twice as hard...  even zoning out or snacking.  Torture!

Then when I think about it some more, I want to go home and be productive.  I can feel the tension of the lawn mower throttle as I push the blades over a blend of grass and weeds.  I'm excited by the thought of pulling the remaining fence posts, not attached to fence, out of the ground and storing them near the stack of lumber in the shed.  I can't wait to reconnect the hose valve after I replace the cracked PVC elbow.  Maybe then I'll have time to sit in the groovy studio and put down one of the dozens of newer, unrecorded ideas I've come up with in the past year.  I could plan to go do some shows and haul the equipment around, meeting people and sharing what's in my heart.

Suddenly I'm reminded of the book "Wild at Heart" and get to thinking that my only problem is this environment.  Usually, I'll kill myself for the PLEASURE of working hard... where the stink did that desire go?  Why do I feel like I've been in middle school detention for the last 2 years?  I'm tired of copying Aardvark out of the dictionary.  I'd rather go to PE and run laps the entire hour.

On the other hand, the confusing one, I'm getting paid a lot of money to work half as hard as I can for 9 months out of the year.  I get to surf 39% of the allowed internet pages out there and have even stealthed my way into working on game sprites when I'm free.  This job is a blessing.

Is a blessing always the right thing?

I've worked hard since I got my paper route at age 13.  Is this how 12 years of constant labor pays off?  Throw me in a dungeon for half of my waking hours so I can try to squeeze ACTUAL purpose into the other half, when I'm wore out and frustrated, trying to recover from the first half?

No job's perfect... but if there is a "perfect" job, I just might be consumed by it.  The hardships of any job are what make them enjoyable.  Trials give way to investing ourselves.  Victory gives joy; it brings purpose and satisfaction.  That's why I only have fun at home.  I can get things done at my own pace. 

Growing Band?

I lead worship at the three worship services on Sunday.  After the second service, a guy around my age approached me, impressed with my voice.  He said that he used to play for a punk band, but years later has been wanting to get into a "pop" band.  The only comparision this musician, named Eric, threw out was "The Fray".

Eric had been wanting to get a band going, but said that my voice "blows his out of the water".  Humbled by Eric's compliment and following desire to support me in my out-of-church-musical-endeavors, we really hit it off.  A multi-instrumental musician like myself, we decided he'd come and fill the drum void at our next practice and see where it goes from there.  He seemed to want to play guitar, which could work too.  I guess we'll see...  Eric seemes like a totally solid guy.

Now that I've served 3 weeks in a row at TMCC, I get a break.  I can use my musical fuel for "my own" music for a while.  Hopefully my time will be fruitful.

New Band

Jess and I are taking a "break" from playing at church (TMCC) right now.  I explained to the pastor/ worship-in-charge-of-it-guy that we felt called to work towards a performance ministry, instead of a church ministry (in 400 x the words).  Blessings easily received.  I was a little surprised.  They even had an idea that coincides.

Now we're having a good time working on some original songs.  For the first time last night, my bro Jacob came over and he Jess and I practiced the same song over and over for a few hours.  Since the three of us sing, it was fun to hash out who sings where, and how the music should flow.  I really missed having a band with creativity and depth...  the fault is at least partially my own, but doing "church music" usually tends to be so carelessly slopped out. 

As Jess said, just by the chemistry in the studio last night, we can all kinda "hear" what the album will sound like.  That might sound a little overconfident, but I'm okay with that.  Usually the opposite is true.  It feels good to feel good about something that's usually a frustration.

We'll see where this all goes, I s'pose!

Minor Update

I got caught in the web.  That's what it's for.  While dwelling upon the internet-world, I've been goodie-crafting.

> Picture gallery of our 1/25/09 San Pedro Hike: Ba-Plow!

> My Twitter:  http://twitter.com/adam_jd

> Telling the world (including Google Maps, via Panoramio), where my adventures lie:  Chaka-Goooooodje!

I REALLY need to update my main pages...  I can't from work.  That's why I dAdn't.

2 Dreams

Feb 26, 11pm prayer paraphrase:  "Lord please guide me.  Give me some vision...  use a dream or whatever...  I only have one savior.  If you don't save me from apathy, I'll remain enslaved."

That night (in dreamland) I was at some kind of carnival.  They had a boxing championship game.  I took part, which lead me to fighting dozens of strange foreign men.  I was A M A Z I N G ! !  Undefeated, I rubbed my sore body as I received a crown from the carnival master.  I remember being hit only a few times throughout the entire evening of tussling.

Translation:  the Lord wants me to beat up ruffians from other countries?  Not so much.  The foreigners that He's concerned about are the spiritual ones; the invaders of darkness that dominate our minds and destroy our lives, from the inside out. 

Only in this first dream could I so eloquently and skillfully fight off these other men with my fists.  In reality though, I've also been given an inheritance of "eloquent skill".  I've been empowered by the shared power of Christ, to beat up the invading spirits that draw us to live creed-less lives.

Greed.  Lust.  Bitterness.  Animosity.  Rebellion.  Loneliness.  Pride.  Disloyalty.  Prejudice.  Who's fighting the hundreds of invaders?  Our churches try.  "7th Heaven" tried...  however songs and enveloping stories seem to, in my mind, reach deeper than preachy words. 

I call my left fist music.  I call my right fist parables.  They glow with the victory of Yeshua.  The invaders are trembling.

Jan 27.  Again I prayed for guidance.  Again I dreamt a dream.  This time I was singing.  I was given 3 minutes to give it my best shot.  The world gave me my time, but they weren't going to let me go over that 3 minutes.  I had to act.  The Lord is patient, but the world is not.  Opportunities come and last only until human minds loose interest.  Beyond that, doors open and close beyond what "trying harder" has little power to change.

Simple dream.  Convicting message.

Back to the first dream, If I hadn't decided to step up and fight at the fair, I wouldn't have won the crown.  If I had waited, I wouldn't have started a winning streak.      

Moving by Waiting

Yeah.  Exactly. 

I've been praying ,for some time, to feel "correct pain", writing a song about it in the process.  I can't have a truly valuable goal until I have the correct filter on what I feel, what I want and how I react.  Human nature and Earth have formed a pact, where man has said that we will stay trapped and numb in the World's systems, so long as the world agrees to stay attractive, empty and addicitve.  YHWH spoke Romans into exsistance, should we ever want to break that deal with the world.

In the meantime, Jess and I recorded a worship album called "The Source" in December, piecing together 10 old worshipful songs I'd written before.  Can't go wrong there, right?  Our current church (TMCC) has been in their new building for some time and has given me the opportunity to expirement a little; doing 2 originals there so far and songs like Needtobreathe's "Signature of Divine".  Fun growing-platform, for now. 

Next step (by my agenda), write like 100 new songs and record very raw acoustic tracks of each.  Next, pick a handful that Jess and I will record.  Next, send them to Mom Dailey, who has nearly begged to do us a huge favor and duplicate/ send out the demo CDs to contacts she's made in the past (pre-Adam in Jess' music endeavors).  Next...  Lord willing (like all of this), take a stash of CDs out on the road, doing concerts and hoping to be heard by the right set of ears. 

Now we'll see if can actually attempt this goal of mine.

Minor stuff: 
-We bought a Shiba Inu, Leah, who escaped the yard and was killed by the neighbor's pit bull after only a month. 
-3rd anniversary celebrated in Sedona, AZ:  picture gallery
-I rebuilt my studio desk.  I'm very happy with it now. 
-We're going to visit FL in February.
-Writing the story for Isles of Keo (game project) in the form of a Novel.

July 08

14 people from my contract were offered an opportunity to take a class.  Little did I know at the time that 2 spots were going to be filled in Simplified Acquisition Purchasing.  Long becoming short:  I was promoted to a new position this month.  For the extra money, it'll be worth it.  90% of the annual work comes in between now and September 30th.  The first few months I'm here might be hectic, but other than that, I should be havin some fun times still.

We're still workin hard on our house.  A bedroom, a bathroom and some touchup paint is all that remains as far as painting goes.  Aside from that, I'm really workin to get the yard in order.  A big "C-shape" driveway is getting replaced with a straight driveway with a parking area.  It's taking some time to move all the outlining rocks and plants that are in the way.  After I get all that moved, I'll have to shovel all the gravel from the C-shape into the new form the driveway will be seeing....  hopefully soon.

My Florida family is coming to visit in April for 10 days.  That should be fun.  Hopefully Jess and I  have enough time saved up to go around AZ with them for a few days.

TMCC got into its new building.  The first week in there was just this last Sunday.... the whole thing was packed out.   Some people left because they didn't want to stand in the back of one of the overflow rooms..   heheh...  where we ended up sitting.

Furthermore, my brother Andrew ("D.Cure") was just down for a couple of weeks.  We had the chance to collaberate on 3 songs while he was down.  That was pretty fun.  Here they are:

- Gaining Loss (feat. D.Cure)
- Long for Next (feat. D.Cure)
- Balancing (feat. D.Cure)